“In my new book, Is Your Marriage Feeling Dead? A Divorce Mediator’s Guide To Ensuring A Lifetime Of Love, I outline the exact steps you need to take to create revive your relationship and create long lasting love. Today in the Love Shack, we’re going to be talking about chapter one, which is all about how committed relationships are so much more about what’s going on inside of ourselves than they ever are about the other person. And, how we have been told many lies about love and relationships, and those lies have totally misguided us when it comes to creating the kind of relationship that can stand the test of time,” said Staci Bartley, host and author.

Tune to Staci and Tom as they host the Thursday, March 3rd edition of Love Shack Live at 1 p.m. and give your relationship a tune-up.

We’ve been taught many lies about love and relationships.

Hearing things like, “True love is forever love,” are way more damaging than they are helpful.

“We are also made to feel shameful when the temporary nature of love shows up in our lives, and we make up a lot of lies about this, too. We believe things like, ‘I did it wrong.” or “Something is wrong with me.’ When our dance with love comes to an end just because we bought into the lies and expectations of what it should be, we then take blame and shame to a whole new level.
Instead of coming to the conclusion that we have misunderstood the purpose of love and that we lack the skills needed for navigating our way in relationships with ourselves and others, we cling to outdated ideas about what love is supposed to be,” she said.

Staci and Tom say. . .

Committed relationships are more about what’s going on inside of ourselves than anything else.

When we understand that relationships are more than just the other person, it changes how we approach them. We’re no longer looking for someone to complete us or make us happy. We’re looking for someone to share our life with. We’re looking for someone who understands us and loves us for who we are.

We also need to learn how to love ourselves. This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. We can still have our flaws and be okay with them. It means that we accept ourselves for who we are and we’re okay with being imperfect. When we learn how to love ourselves, it makes it easier to love others.

Love is temporary, and we never own it—or anyone, for that matter.

The idea that love is temporary can be a hard thing to accept, but it’s something that we need to understand if we want to have healthy and sustainable relationships. When we understand that love is fleeting, it allows us to appreciate it more. We’re no longer holding onto the idea that love is permanent, and we can enjoy each moment that we’re together without worrying about what’s going to happen in the future.

We also need to be okay with the fact that we will never own or control the other person. They are their own individual and they have a right to their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. We need to respect them and cherish them for who they are. We need to remember that love is not about possession or control, it’s about connection and shared experiences.

When we can let go of our need for control and our need to be complete, we can create relationships that are more fulfilling and meaningful. We’re no longer looking for someone to fill a void in our lives, but instead, we’re looking for someone to share our life with. We’re looking for someone who understands us and loves us for who we are.
Love is not about perfection, it’s about connection.

We make up a lot of lies about love and buy into expectations that aren’t realistic. 

One of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves is that love is perfect. We believe that if we’re in a committed relationship, then everything should be perfect. We should never have disagreements or fights. We should always be happy and in love. This is not only unrealistic, but it’s also unhealthy.

Disagreements and fights are a normal part of any relationship. They don’t mean that the relationship is doomed. In fact, they can actually be healthy for the relationship if they’re handled in a constructive way.

When we hold onto the idea that love is perfect, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’re not allowing for any growth or change in the relationship, and we’re not allowing for any mistakes to be made. This can lead to tension and resentment in the relationship.

“In this episode, we’re talking about how relationships are more than just the other person. They’re about what’s going on inside of our own body and mind, too. Our needs, desires, and wants. Committed relationships require constant attention and dedication to make them work. Understanding that love is not perfect can help us have healthier relationships where it doesn’t matter if there are disagreements or fights because they don’t mean anything bad will happen in the future. Hopefully, this episode will help you think differently about your relationship with yourself and others by understanding how important self-love is for maintaining a healthy life partner connection. If all of this sounds intimidating and you want help enacting these principles, let us know! This is exactly what we do, and we are ready to help you create a Lifetime of Love!” said Staci.

Important Links:

• Want to learn how to stop a fight in 20-seconds or less? Get the cheat sheet here. https://stacibartley.com/stopfight
• Miss our past episodes? Check them all out here: https://stacibartley.com/podcast
• Relationship Check-up – tired of re-hashing your issues with your partner without making progress? Schedule your check-up today! https://stacibartley.com/checkup/