#58: The 4 Attachment Styles & How They Influence Our Intimate Relationships

Let’s talk about how attachment styles can help us gain a better understanding of how we show up in our marriages and relationships.

New to this topic? Attachment styles are a common exploration technique in relationship therapy and counseling. Attachment theory is the joint work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Later on in the 1980s, psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver applied the work of Ainsworth and Bowlby to adult romantic relationships, and this created the understanding of the adult attachment styles we are familiar with now.

Their important work helps us in understanding why so many of us have a hard time navigating feelings of attachment in our intimate relationships.

Our attachment styles show up in many ways, but some of the easiest to spot are:

  • You’re afraid to speak up or have a difficult conversation because you’re scared to create distance between you and your partner, or you’re fearful of rejection, so you don’t say anything.
  • You have an ongoing fear of overwhelming the person you love, or “being too much” so instead you decide not to be a bother, and shrink down to an unrecognizable version of yourself.
  • You avoid sharing your feelings because you don’t know how or you don’t want to get too close, so most of your needs in your relationship go unmet as a result.

These are just a few examples of how our attachment styles can play out, but we could list thousands more. Because the reality is the way we attach is a major part of every single person’s life. Our ability to attach or not attach will ultimately affect how we bond and create relationships with one another, and especially with our partner or spouse.

So, this week inside the Love Shack, we are going to break down all you need to know about attachment styles, and even provide you with a simple quiz so that you too can know how your attachment style is playing out in your love life right now. Join Us! It's sure to create some relatable aha moments! =

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